he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
