If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
