It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
