matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
People in love make me want to vomit
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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