Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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