youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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