She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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