the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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