Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
