At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MIDGETS
????
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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