non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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