you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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