I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
