literally had 100 drinks last night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I want is dick and wine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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