yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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