She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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