hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
