You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
