My hand turned me down
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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