Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
