We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
