You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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