Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
