can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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