look no pants
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i now understand why vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
