Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
