so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
