one might say we're banned from that church
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
