i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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