I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
