I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
