Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
