Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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