Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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