Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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