You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
