guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
