Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
