in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
