when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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