I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
