we have pet lesbian snakes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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