i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
