He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
