does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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