Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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