seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
