Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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