he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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