But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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