I queefed so loud it echoed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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