I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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