I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
