I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
