yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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