Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
