HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
