Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
